Welcome Back, Wally
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Wally's life in the fast lane suddenly comes to an unexpected screeching halt when his parents kick him out of their house, his brother Barry sells his apartment, and he loses his job. now he's forced to build himself back up by living with the wacky mischeivous Justice League. Hilarity ensues as Wally's life as well as pride and dignity are turned upside down
1. The Madness Begins

**Welcome Back, Wally**

 **Chapter 1**

"oh my, what a positively gorgeous morning" Hippolyta exclaimed cheerfully, watching the birds and bugs fly around the outdoor area of the Watchtower mansion. In an instant, a loud screeching of tires was heard, followed by some incoherent shouting and  
/screaming and ending with a thud on the doorstep

"Wally, what are you doing here?" Hippolyta asked as Wally walked into the house, carrying his luggage and his belongings

"my parents disowned me" Flash moaned

"WHAT?" everyone gasped in shock

"they said I spent too much time eating, drinking, being lazy, insubordinate and being extremely ugly to boot" Flash groaned

"gee, that kinda reminds me of SOMEBODY I happen to know…" Batman snarled, glaring daggers at a whimpering Robin

"Touch him and I'll make Bat-steak" Firefly snarled, Batman backing off

"well, does your cousin Barry have an apartment for you?" Jade asked

"Nuh-uh. He sold it off to pay off a gambling thing in Las Vegas" Flash said

"Oh! Well that is just so rude, uncivilized and completely disrespectful" Kara said in disgust, her and Alex nodding heads in agreement

"oy… I knew this day would come. Heck, on the day I was born, they stamped an eviction notice on my hand" Wally whined, sitting on the couch

"Wally? What on earth are you doing dressed like that? Look how messy you are! You're coming with me to take a shower right this instant" Linda barked, dragging a pleading Wally off

"…well, at least he has his wife" Alex said

"so… what are we gonna do, guys? Wally's been kicked out of his parents' house, his brother sold his apartment to his something something girlfriend and at least his wife welcomed him back" Jade said

"I was thinkin' we go over to Wally's folks and we fill 'em full of lead" Two-Face snarled

"absolutely not! We are NOT like that" Hippolyta scoffed

"uh…" Firefly started

"NO" everyone shouted

"aw, phooey" Firefly grumbled in defeat

"well, there's only one choice left…" Hippolyta realized, Batman's eyes widening in horror

"NO! I FORBID IT" Batman shouted, but Hippolyta just ignored him

"Hush? Jason? Zsasz?" Hippolyta called, summoning the three stooges

"those clowns? You're gonna have those idiots build Mr. Fastest Freeloader a room?" Batman asked

"Bruce, don't make me evict YOU…" Hippolyta threatened, Kara and Alex giggling in fiendish glee

"you… told those two giggling hyenas that THEY COULD REPOSSESS MY ENTIRE BATCAVE?" Batman thundered

"yes, if there's an accident or death in the family" Hippolyta said

"Mother, lemme explain something to you: we're IMMORTAL. We. Can. NOT. Die" Batman griped

"…ooh, he's got a good point Mama" Alex said, her and Kara giggling

"I'm onto you two" Batman threatened

"ooh, we're so scared…" Kara teased, her and Alex laughing in delight

"we're not afraid of the Big Bad Bat, the Big Bad Bat, the Big Bad Bat! We're not afraid of the Big Bad Bat, tra-la-la-la!" Alex and Kara sang cheerfully, laughing maniacally as they skipped away, Batman seething red with imminent fury, unaware that  
/the Leaguers burst into hysterical laughter

"…what are YOU laughing about?" Batman growled as the Leaguers tried holding in their laughter

"Hehehehehe I'm not afraid of the Big Bad Bat, the Big Bad Bat, the Big Bad Bat! I'm not afraid of the Big Bad…" Robin sang before Batman angrily kicked him in the crotch

"are you afraid of THAT, numbnuts?" Batman growled, Robin sticking his tongue out as he ran for his life

"now that you mention it, that song is pretty catchy…" Hippolyta said, giggling girlishly

"Mom…don't make me do this…" Batman threatened, feeling his long-buried temper about to erupt

*KLONG*

"And THAT's what you get for being a big bad Mr. grouchy pants" Dinah huffed, standing over a dazed Batman with a baseball bat

"good job, Dinah! Good girl, good girl" Hippolyta cheered

"now tell Mommy you're sorry" Dinah said

"pfft. Like Hell I will" Batman scoffed defiantly, Black Canary swatting him in the ass with the bat

"AAAAAGH" Batman growled in pain

"ok, ok! I'm sorry, alright?" Batman panted

…

"oh there he is! Hi Wally! Have you gotten accustomed to our hospitality?" Hippolyta asked cheerfully as a clean-shaven, nicely dressed Wally sat in the kitchen

"now that you mention it, I'm positively GLAD to be outta that rusty old shack. I tell you, my ma and pa would NOT stop nagging me" Flash ranted, taking a bite of his cinnamon roll

"hey Wally! We got your room made! You coming up to check it out or what?" Black Mask hollered from upstairs

"hey bro, how's it goin?" Barry asked, coming in

"You…you lying, backstabbing, cheating son of a bitch" Wally growled

"oh crap… listen man, Caitlin… she's pregnant, alright? I needed that to pay off my thing… you understand right, bro?" Barry asked pathetically

"get out of my house or I'll blast you wide open" Two-Face growled, brandishing his shotgun

"Barry, I trusted you with my husband's life…and look what you did. Drugs, gambling, prostitution, selling your own brother's apartment just because you can only care about yourself? You disgust me, you're a disgrace to the Flash name and you are no longer  
/welcome in this house" Linda said, slapping Barry in the face

"well fine! You guys are totally messed up! You… you call yourselves a family? You're all freaks! Annoying, crazy, immature, stupid…" Barry ranted until Kara and Alex dropkicked him out the door and clear into outer space

"and STAY OUT" Alex roared, slamming the door

"NOBODY talks dirt about our family like that" Kara said, shaking her head

"guys…why… why'd you do that for me?" Wally asked, feeling confused

"because, you're one of us. We welcomed you into this house with love and affection, you have an adoring wife, a caring mother and father, and a very, very, VERY happy brood of brothers and sisters" Hippolyta said warmly, giving Wally a kindhearted hug

"aww…" Kara and Alex awed, smiling proudly

"you know what Wally? Tomorrow morning, you, me and Harvey are gonna go to City Hall and get your papers signed" Hippolyta said

"why?" Wally asked, as Kara and Alex sported huge smiles

"Well whaddya think? We're adopting you!" Kara cheered, Wally letting this revelation sink into his head

"So…whaddya say…son?" Two-Face asked as Flash's eyes rolled into the back of his head and fainted

"hmmm… maybe we should've told him earlier" Alex said


	2. One Big Crazy Family

**Welcome Back, Wally**

 **Chapter 2**

"ohh… I had the most weirdest dream I got kicked out of my house, my brother knocked up Killer Frost and sold my apartment and I was forced to live with those wacko Justice Leaguers and my bat-crazy wife" Wally said before gasping as he felt a long strand of blonde hair. And next to him was some very familiar brunette hair. Wally's eyes shrank in horror as he realized who his roommates are

"good morning Wally" Kara and Alex said in unison, giggling in devilish delight

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Flash screamed in horror, running out of the room, hitting his head on the wall

"well morning sleepyhead! We made you breakfast" Hippolyta crooned, making pancakes and eggs  
"no, no, no. this is a dream, it's all a dream, hahaha. Yes, I'm not here. I'm… oh, oh no, no, NO" Wally gasped at what he saw; framed on the wall was Wally's adoption papers that read Wally Prince

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…" Flash bawled dramatically, sobbing

"awww there, there Wally… we'll make you feel better, oh yes we will" Hippolyta said sweetly, smothering Wally with her breasts

"I think Wally needs some medicine. Girls! Can you be Mommy's little helpers and get your new brother some medicine?" Hippolyta asked kindly, Wally squeaking in horror as the twins loomed over him, smiling deviously

"open wide Hehehehehe" Kara giggled insanely as Alex force opened Wally's mouth. Kara cackled like a maniac as she dropped the pills into Wally's mouth, Wally gagging as he swallowed them down

"this… this is a nightmare! I… I…" Wally babbled, cuddling in the fetal position

"awww…" everyone awed, Kara and Alex grinning ear to ear

"Wally! You… get up! My god, what are you, crazy? They're just playing with you! Geez!" Linda grumbled, kicking Wally in the shin as he stumbled up

"Ugh…ighahahahahaaaa" Wally babbled incoherently

"oh dear, I think he needs to be in the padded room for a while" Hush moaned, Kara and Alex bounding a babbling Flash in a straitjacket

"ehehheeeheehee family gone. Family all gone. Mahahahahahahaha" Wally laughed inhumanely as Hush dragged him into the solitary ward

"bye-bye Wally Hehehehehehehe" Kara and Alex giggled insanely, Wally screaming in tongues and babbling nonsense

"oh for God's sakes, Wally, shaddup" Hush hissed, Flash's eyes bugging out of his sockets as he rambled incoherently, giggling like a madman. Getting fed up, Hush took a mallet and clubbed Wally with it repeatedly until he was out cold with a stupid grin on his face

"ugh… I'm starting to think him moving in was a very, very, VERY bad idea" Hush grumbled as he tossed Wally into the padded room and locked the door

"Wally's gone bye-bye. Apparently he's lost both his marbles and his name" Hush moaned in boredom

"go on, we're listening…" Kara said, her and Alex sniggering

"oy…" Hush moaned, rubbing his forehead before speaking

"he says his new name is Mrs. Zambezi" Hush said. That was all it took until everyone in the Watchtower burst into maniacal laughter. Well… except for a certain grumpy old Bat

"Ohhhh man! That's-that's-that's PRICELESS" Alex snickered, laughing maniacally as Kara giggled on the floor in hysterics

"WILL YOU PLEASE STOP LAUGHING? IM TRYING TO SLEEP" Batman hollered, before realizing his mistake

"one, two, three…" Kara counted down

"no…please no, please don't do it…" Batman pleaded

"WE'RE NOT AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD BAT! THE BIG BAD BAT, THE BIG BAD BAT! WE'RE NOT AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD BAT, TRA-LA-LA-LA!" everyone sang, giggling insanely  
"I'm outta here" Batman deadpanned, getting in his Batmobile and driving off

"YAAAYYYYYY! WE GET HIS BATCAVE, WE GET HIS BATCAVE, WE GET HIS BATCAVE" Kara and Alex chanted in delight, their maniacal laughter ringing in the very pissed off Dark Knight's ears as he drove down to Central City and angrily knocked on Barry's apartment door

"what the…? Batman?" Barry asked in shock

"your brother has gone catatonic and my so-called "family" is driving me nuts. Until this whole mess is settled, which I highly doubt, I'm staying with you, your wife and your bastard child" Batman grumbled

"welcome to my house, brother" Barry grinned, handing Bruce an ice cold beer

…

"I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" Robin screamed in delight

"what the hell is the matter with YOU?" Black Mask asked

"Batman's gone, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone! Now I can do whatever the hell I want" Robin cheered, taking off his pants, his mask and his uniform

"THAT ISNT QUITE WHAT WE HAD IN MIND" Black Mask thundered as a now insane Robin skipped around the yard in his birthday suit

"oh dear Hera… everyone's lost their minds. Bruce left, Wally's now insane and now my completely cuckoo nieces are redecorating the Batcave into a My Little Pony playroom/bedroom" Black Mask grumbled

…

"Oh my word! Girls, your new playroom is so adorable" Hippolyta gasped in awe

"do you really like it Mommy?" Kara asked

"yes I do, sweetie" Hippolyta said cheerfully before gasping happily at Kara's brand new Batmobile bed

"aww Kara sweetie, it's so adorable. Do you like your bed, buttercup? Do you like your new bed?" Hippolyta asked as Kara got under the covers, giggling as Hippolyta ruffled her hair

"aww my angel…" Hippolyta cooed as Kara sucked her thumb and fell asleep

"awww… such a sweet little girl…" Hippolyta crooned, kissing Kara's cheek as she tucked her in

…

"ah this is the life. No immortal Amazons nagging me, no wimpy nerdy sidekicks, no sissy girls, no big blue boyscout morons bugging the hell out of me, just me and some real men and women" Bruce sighed in relief as he drank an ice cold Michelob while watching UCF with Barry and Caitlin

"hey, your Ma texted you. She said your twin cousins remodeled your Batcave" Barry piped up

"eh, let 'em have their fun" Batman mumbled drunkenly

"you sure? Apparently Kara turned your Batsuit into teddy bear pajamas and turned your Batmobile into a race car bed" Barry went on

"pfft. Who cares? I don't need those psychos. Let 'em go without me. C'mere you're missing a good game" Bruce grumbled, Barry tossing his iPhone aside

"Hehehehehehe I like tea, I like parties, I like Maya Angelou, I don't know who this Wally Prince is, I'm a new me, I'm Mrs. Zambezi" Wally rhymed, giggling like a demented madman as Hush banged his head repeatedly on the wall


	3. Where's Wally?

**Welcome Back, Wally**

 **Chapter 3**

"for the love of God, SOMEONE PLEASE SHUT HIM UP" Two-Face hollered as Flash babbled hysterically in the padded room. Ever since Batman left and after Wally's little breakdown, the whole Watchtower estate is in a state of bedlam

"what's going on? I can't find Bruce anywhere, the twins have redecorated the entire Batcave and Wally's in a straitjacket babbling nonsense" Helena said, coming home from work

"it's kind of a long story, honey" Two-Face exhaled

"ok, the twins are asleep for their nap" Hippolyta said, coming down the stairs

"apparently Bruce has moved in with that back-stabbing jackass Barry Allen and that floozy Killer Frost" Red Hood said to Helena

"oh" Helena said in response

"so… Wally's the new Spoiler" Red Hood added

"oh this is just great. Now we have a fast-moving psychopath to tangle with" Two-Face grumbled in annoyance

"hey come on, it's not that bad" Black Mask said calmly

"where have you been, Roman?" Two-Face asked sarcastically

"uh… I was taking out the garbage" Black Mask answered wittily

"oy…" Two-Face moaned, burying his face in his hands

"come on dear, I'll make you some lasagna" Hippolyta said kindly, taking her husband to the kitchen

"so… what are we gonna do about Wally? The police don't want him, Blackgate don't want him. Hell, even Arkham fucking Asylum said no!" Green Arrow snapped

"yes, but come on, he's family. Think of how he's feeling" Huntress said

"HeaHFGAGAHAHAHHADFGFGFGFGDFCCVFGDSD" Wally gibbered insanely, his eyes crossed

"…really, Helena?" Green Arrow asked flatly

"oops" Huntress winced

"we're screwed. Wally's officially an A-1 nutso, Batman is out living with a traitor and a hooker, the twins are still on… oh whatever they're on and Superman, well…" Green Arrow started

"HEY GUYS! I'M WEARING MY SUIT BACKWARDS" Superman said cheerfully, running straight into the wall

"…he's still stupid. Very nice and friendly, but incredibly stupid nonetheless" Green Arrow finished

"hmmm… this is a real toughie. It's like that Superman N64 game…" Jade said

"don't even THINK about mentioning that" Green Arrow snarled

"ok, ok, jeez" Jade gasped

"what if… supposing if… the Wally we have in the Watchtower… is NOT the real Wally?" Red Hood asked

"…what?" Green Arrow asked

"are you drunk AGAIN?" Lady Blackhawk groaned

"come on, think about it! Those rednecks knocked out and kidnapped the real Wally and sent us a FAKE Wally instead" Red Hood insisted

"that is the most outrageous theory I've ever heard" Green Arrow snapped

"well, there's only one other guy who can help us on this…" Huntress said, everyone doing a double take

"please don't do it…" Robin begged

…

"I'm doing it" Huntress said, driving the Leaguers to Central City, Robin grumbling angrily in the back

"hey, who'd we leave to watch the twins?" Two-Face asked

"oh Mom's there. Don't worry" Diana assured

…

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" Hippolyta, Kara and Alex snored loudly

…

"I'm TELLING you guys, the Wally in the Watchtower is an IMPOSTER! A spy! Or… oh my god, he's a BODY SNATCHER" Red Hood gasped insanely

"shut it Jason. I don't wanna hear any more of your cockamamie conspiracy theories" Green Arrow snarled

"he may have a point" Huntress agreed

"oh god, not YOU too!" Green Arrow gasped

"what? I like reading mystery novels" Huntress said

"but-but… THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MYSTERY NOVELS" Green Arrow screamed

"yes but I enjoy bringing it up at random times" Huntress replied

"oh my God, this CANT get any worse…" Green Arrow moaned

"uh guys?" Red Hood asked

"dear Hera, Jason, if this is another of your stupid, pathetic theories… I…I cant be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you" Green Arrow threatened, feeling his rage rise and rise

"um… we're out of guzzoline" Red Hood said, Green Arrow noticing they're in Central City

"well, well, well. Look who's here" Batman said

"hello. Long time no see" Huntress said cheerfully

"whaddya want?" Batman asked

"we… we have problems at home. Really, really, REALLY big problems" Hush said

"yeah? Is this about Wally going bananas?" Batman asked

"yup" Jade answered

"funny thing actually; I found him. He's inside with me" Batman said

"oh good… wait, WHAT?" Green Arrow gasped, doing a double take

"HA! I TOLD you it was a body snatcher" Red Hood teased

"dears? We have a situation" Hippolyta panted, arriving with Kara and Alex and Dinah  
"how the hell did YOU get here?" Batman asked

"muffin button" Hippolyta answered

"ok… what is it?" Batman asked

"well… it turns out the Flash at home is NOT our Flash" Hippolyta said

"then who is it?" Linda asked

"only the deadliest and devious of all his archenemies…" Batman said forebodingly

"no, not HIM" Huntress gasped in horror

"you… you don't mean…" Linda stammered

"His name… is **Zoom"** Batman said, ominous thunder clapping

…

"hey, isn't that the James Patterson book about animals attacking people?" Kara asked

"no, no, that's that weird PBS kids show" Hawkgirl replied

"and once again we're off topic" Green Arrow moaned, banging his head on the wall as Kara and Hawkgirl chattered nonsense

…

"GHAHDDDFGRRRFGGHHHHERGNGVFFGFYTYTUUNGOHIGVOGPNPN" Zoom babbled insanely, Neron groaning in annoyance

"shut up, shut up, SHUT UP" Neron roared, slamming his head against the prison wall


	4. The End Or IS it? ok, It is

**Welcome Back, Wally**

 **Chapter 4**

"so… let me get this straight… Zoom impersonated Wally and is locked up in the Watchtower while the REAL Wally is actually in Central City?" Batman asked

"yes" Wally answered

"Wally; what's your favourite Lionel Richie song?" Huntress asked

"Hello" Flash answered

"who joined the Brooklyn Dodgers in the 40s?" Huntress asked

"Jackie Robinson" Flash said

"who performed My Heart Will Go On?" Huntress asked

"Celine Dion" Flash answered, a bell ringing, applause echoing

"it's him! It's the real Wally Prince" Hush announced, as it suddenly started raining tons and tons of dollars

"what the?" Green Arrow asked before getting buried in a mound of gold coins

"so… what about Zoom?" Hawkgirl asked

"don't worry guys. WE can take care of him, right bro?" Wally asked

"you betcha. It's good to have you back" Barry said happily

"well… see you in a… oh, you get it" Wally groaned, him and Barry dashing off

…

"so… Caitlin, you look great" Hawkgirl exclaimed

"thanks! I feel 30 pounds lighter after havin' the baby" Killer Frost said warmly

"ok, so… at least we can make it on foot, right?" Green Arrow asked

…

"you and your ideas" Batman growled, glowering angrily at Green Arrow

"just shut your mouth and keep walking" Green Arrow deadpanned

"are we there yet?" Kara asked

"that's it. I'm jumping off the bridge" Green Arrow groaned, before Batman grabbed him by the ear and dragged him forward

…

"hegahdserfhgaFREEFGHRHNTNRDIDDFNGGHIJHJIH" Zoom gibbered as soon as Barry and Wally answered

"uh… Hunter? Are… you ok? In… more mental terms?" Wally asked nervously as soon as Zoom's brain oozed out of his ear and splattered on the floor

"oh God…" Barry retched, before vomiting on the floor in disgust and horror

"oh will you suck it up, it's just a… oh Jesus Christ Superstar, what the heck IS that thing?" Wally gasped in horror

"um… Zoom's dead" Neron said

"what?" Wally asked

"Zoom's dead, baby, Zoom's dead" Neron said, sounding like Ving Rhames from Pulp Fiction

"…what kind of a comeback is THAT?" Wally asked incredulously

"a kind of comeback from AN OFFICIAL MEMBER OF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE" Superman bellowed

"WHAT?" Wally, Barry and Neron gasped in shock

"Really?" Neron said

…

"Wally, wake up, for God's sakes" Two-Face yelled, beating Wally over the head with a pillow

"what? What is it?" Wally asked, waking up

"you alright?" Hippolyta asked

"I… I had the weirdest dream Zoom impersonated me, and Batman moved in with Barry and Caitlyn, and-and there was this brain on the floor…and something about Neron joining the JLA" Wally babbled, everyone absorbing this before bursting into hysterical laughter

"well I guess it was a dopey dream, anyway" Flash murmured, laying back down before shrieking as Zoom laid next to him

"hiiii" Zoom said creepily

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Wally screamed

"Hehehehehe I'm a real bastard, alright" Batman snickered to the camera


End file.
